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And of course I’m distracted. I’m not too concerned about the test. I don’t think I’ll score perfectly in every section, but I figure there’s not much use in fretting over things like this. I’ve studied. I probably could have thought about the test earlier and prepared better, but I’ve taken practice tests, identified and fixed some weak areas, and taken more practice tests.

In studying for this test, I’ve definitely realized that my college experiences have shaped the way I do things. I’m a social studier. I like to be near other people. I like occasionally talking to others. I must be plugged in–reading about my friends; reading about the country (and right now the US government is probably more frazzled than I am).

People have asked me to which universities I’m applying. A reasonable question that I meet with the vague commonplace answer of “I’m not really sure.” I’m interested in education, especially science education. I’m interested in the way people interact with objects but I can’t decide which angle I should take: behavioral economics, marketing, consumer psychology?

To be completely honest, I’m taking the GRE out of fear. I applied to a few “safety schools” for my undergraduate education, but I didn’t really fear not getting accepted into a college and I actually think I would have been very happy at any of the institutions. However, the path ahead of me is no longer predetermined–it’s no longer expected that I have to do the next grade of school after the completion of the current one (especially since I’ve already completed 13). That being said, I love learning but I feel like I have a somewhat “old school”/retro-revived mindset and want to learn through experience; I want to learn while working. But I also have the typical unrestrained view of the future for which my generation is so admired and ridiculed. I would ideally like to work like an apprentice of social entrepreneur or great consumer product designer. But because I don’t see the average productive, successful person doing things like this, but rather hiding in the walls of academia for an extra half decade, I feel like I must also hedge my bets and keep open the possibility of gaining a title after my name. And herein is my cyclic internal dilemma of being special without being left behind, different without being socially dejected.

Well, I’ve paid nearly $200 for a potential safety net–one that I may not use and one that may not be able to save me from anything–I should probably try to make it one that is strong.

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